When a guy asks you to a game night . . .

When a guy doesn't ask you out, but asks you to a game night he is having at his place for friends, what is that? I asked this guy out more than a week ago, and I'm into him, but I don't think he's into me. Then he asked me to this game night over at his place. It was me, another girl I know, and the rest were guy friends of his from med school. It was fun and I had fun, but I think it is definitely signaling that we are just friends. But there was only one other girl there, so maybe he likes me a little but isn't sure if I like him. I don't know how to read signals at all and I don't know how to flirt, so I am really bad at communicating subtle relationship stuff without saying it. Relationship communication is always very ambiguous and can be interpreted so many ways, it confuses the more straight-forward of us. I could ask questions circling around forever, but I would still end with the fact that I don't know if he likes me and I'm not sure how to subtly indicate that I like him. I ask him questions, talk with him, go to his game nights, show concern for decisions he has to make. I don't really know how to do much more. I'm not one of those girls who can flirt or indicate interest in a guy without even thinking about it. The only flirting I can do is when I'm pretending to be someone else in a play and the lines are already given to me and they tell me where to move. Anyway, much as I like this guy, I think I'm going to have to give up and ask someone else out in a couple more weeks when I find some time after my play opens and closes. I have to give up on this though I like this guy and feel comfortable talking and having fun with him. I may not like the next one. I'm not that picky, but sometimes the most random things put me off.

Why BYU rating #1 as institution with both hot and smart students is not true and not something to be proud of.

So this article was posted recently and since I recently graduated from BYU, it was posted by many friends on facebook. Colleges Where Students are Hot and Smart 2013 I actually didn't like this so-called survey since it had no scientific basis and because of the methods involved. The survey is based on calling students and getting their opinions of the campus' level of hotness. This would be fine if it was looking for individual opinions and not using unverified opinions as research data. Beauty or hotness is not something that can be qualified because "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" as the old saying goes. And if it can't be defined, it can't be quantified. So what does this survey tell us? This tells us that the people called from BYU are
1. Very enthusiastic about their campus
2. Good at lying
3. or delusional.

This may seem mean because we do believe that every person is a child of God and that they have infinite worth, but this survey is wrong (I hope). I think all people do have worth, but beauty is not equivalent to worth. "Hotness" is something that society has dictated to have value. The fact that the person quoted in the article said that "Everyone at BYU is very attractive; I've yet to see an ugly person here" makes me wonder if people who aren't attractive are invisible to her. Was I invisible to her? There is the argument that she was talking about inner beauty, but if so she shouldn't have gone on to describe physical appearance. She actually went on to describe a dress code we have at the school that may constitute "beauty" in her mind, but it is her own interpretation of it if that is so. That would be the delusional aspect of my three points - that people pretend ugly people don't exist, don't want to see them, or have created their own definition of a word.

The methods of the survey tend to favor those campus students called who don't have any ugly people on campus, which is a lie. There are people everywhere who do not meet the world's standards of beauty. I think they are just as worthy of the best in life, but why do we feel that we need to call people beautiful? I'm not beautiful. I'm cute on my better days (which is the only time I allow pictures to be taken). Why do people feel the need to lie about students being beautiful? It is because our society has put such a high value on beauty that we want to make sure everyone has this value? Beauty by society's standards is not something I think should be valued above honesty and telling the truth. But I will admit that beauty has a very high value at BYU, as in the rest of the world to the point that someone would feel it necessary to lie because she is afraid of truly examining her love of beauty as opposed to looking at ugly people who are just as worthy and full of value as anyone, not dependent on society's standards.

As a religious institution, we believe in having different standards from society and this survey worries me because there are ugly people on BYU campus. It bothers me that people would be more concerned about beauty than telling the truth (which is part of a code of honor at our school in addition to our dress code). As much as the world wants us to value beauty, it is fleeting. Honesty is forever.

Game change for me (I think)

Rules of life:

1. Ask guys out. They aren’t asking you out and if you want to find a good one, you might as well ask them out.

(I started this list when I turned thirty and realized I had only been asked out by one guy ever. I was cute, not overweight, smart, talkative, nerdy, and on the whole pretty awesome according to biased sources. So, since I wanted to get married and have kids, I decided to ask guys out. This may seem a bit forward, but there was nothing left to be done since I dislike online dating. I used to be extremely shy as a kid and over the years I sort of got over that, but it comes back sometimes. Asking guys out is when it comes back. But I need to get over that and just do it, since I never have before. So, I asked a guy out. Via text. Much easier than in person and over the phone. He accepted and we went out. It was great. We have somewhat similar backgrounds and he’s really cool. He’s into extreme sports and martial arts. Frankly, he is way more awesome than me. He also seems to not be totally into settling down, etc. But anyway, this date lead me to make up some more rules.)

2. Don’t mention naked Greek-style wrestling ever. (Yeah, sometimes my mind makes the strangest, worst connections.)

3. Don’t mention anything involving eating disorders, rehab, psychological issues and any problems stemming from those things until like date five or so. (I didn’t mention this, but I had to make the decision to be very vague right there when he asked me about my crazy adventures. I stuck to vague round-about talk about high school and mentioned my spur-of-the-moment camping trips, which I loved taking. This goes on to another conversational rule.)

4. Do not talk about professional cycling too much unless he’s into that. (I allowed him to judge me and mentioned that this made me a nerd for liking cycling, but I may have mentioned it too much.)

5. Don’t ask him out on a second date. (Since I asked him out first, this seems a solid rule. First, it determines whether he likes you or not since if he doesn’t like you that way or doesn’t want a relationship, he won’t ask you out. I decided this is a good rule since I think I like this guy more than he likes me. This may suck, but it’s better to let him be the decider of whether you will be in a relationship. I may mention what a good time I had when I see him next, but that’s it. I may be slightly desperate, but getting into a relationship that wouldn’t go anywhere isn’t worth it. This guy was a bit out of my league, but really sweet and he likes Pink Floyd and Sherlock. I may want to go out again, but most guys I know consider me friend material. According to guys, I am not date and girlfriend material. Which points out again rule #1.)

6. Wait a week and if he doesn’t ask you out, find someone else and ask them out. (I would really like to have a kid before I can’t, so that means giving up and moving on to try someone else. There are other guys out there and maybe one of them will think you are awesome. Giving up is not an option.)

I will keep you updated on any more rules that come along. There probably will be more since I am new to dating and not that great at it.