Trials

Trials are never fun. My sister's car died this morning and is too expensive to fix. My car needed 500 dollars worth of work to keep it running last week. My sister is flying to Minnesota to drive a car of my parents back this weekend. My family is moving to China. I am broke. My car, even with the 500 dollars I spent on it may not last very long. My grades are not the best because I am working a full time job at night. My hair is messy today but I think I may want to go to an audition. Yes, another audition. I know I'm crazy. Life is crazy and I occasionally feel more at home with the craziness of life than the structured, normal times. But when the trials are really bad, after the initial breakdown, all I can think is that God must love me a lot to make me suffer this much. I know Jesus loves me because my life totally sucks. It's strange logic, but to the masochistic half-Jew, it completely makes sense. If I was having a good life, I would start to wonder about my decisions and if they were really in line with God's will. Maybe because I'm so busy dealing with the latest crisis or bit of bad news, I'm not worrying about my standing with God. My thought is: would he be giving me this many trials if he didn't know I could handle them with His help? Probably not? If I wasn't at least sort-of on the right path, I'd be punishing myself with unhappiness, so I'm going to be happy about the trials. My mother would always say: no one's dead, no one's in prison, so we're okay. Of course sometimes when she would say that Uncle Scott was still in prison, but I think she was just referring to the immediate family. Of course there was that time that Dad was in prison, but she wasn't in town for that.

Anyway, the point of this entire diatribe on trials is that in reading the account of John, I am reminded that Jesus knew what trials were coming and he still continued to help others and fulfill His mission. I suppose I shouldn't be amazed by this, but he knew what trials were coming. Greater trials than any other man had had to endure, and he was still helping other people through their trials. He was comforting his disciples after enduring in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was looking out for his mother when he was on the cross. He was forgiving people while he was suffering more than any mortal man could endure. How was he so good? He was the Son of God, and a God himself. He was at one with the father's will. How could we possibly be like him? I don't even know where to begin. But reading the Gospel of John, my favorite gospel, he is showing us in every word how to be more like Him. Examples are given, but more important to me are the words, the commands he gives. He is the light and life of the world. He is our example and has given us the light of the everlasting gospel to be our guide. We have to keep trying everyday. We have to keep trying, not only because He wants us to and has commanded us to, but because we really can't make it through trials on our own without that Spirit that comes from keeping his words and regarding them as our salvation. We have to keep going no matter what because it will never be so bad that we can't go on without his help. We are all stronger than each of us realizes. We are strong as keepers of the commandments and we are strong as those who can have the Spirit to be with them. And we have to keep going on, because the world is only going to become harder to endure, not easier. And to look at the highlights today no one is dead and no one is in jail. And more importantly I know that trials is one way I can become closer to my Savior; to become more like He is and wants me to be.